Hello
by Golden Saru
Summary: The horror that takes place after the death of his beloved, his other life, his reason to live. Hakkai Angst. [Hinted 58 Kenren Tenpou....GojyoHakkai]


(A/N: Yeah...its time for an angsty ficceh...Not feeling all that well...its just the right time to write this kind of Fanfiction. Enjoy.) 

Song: Hello _By Evanescence_

Title: Hello. 

Summary: The horror that takes place after the death of his beloved, his other life, his reason to live. Hakkai Angst. Hinted 58 Kenren/ Tenpou...Gojyo/Hakkai 

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Saiyuki characters, nor the songs written and sung by the artist Evanescence. 

Key: means lyrics. 

**Hello.**

_ "Gonou it's time to come inside. Come play with the other children." The bell rang. He was stuck here. Stuck in an orphanage. The people that took care of him believed in hope, and miracles. That was all bullshit. There was no hope for him when his parents died, there was no miracle...and there sure as hell was no god to believe in anymore. Gonou had lost all faith. He lived his days blandly. The same routine, the same people, nothing changed._

_Playground school bell rings again..._

He slayed the blood of 1000 demons and became a demon himself. Cho Gonou was a murderer. It was repeating itself in his head over and over, driving him mad. 

It was raining. He now hated the rain. The rain symbolized everything that had happened last night. All the deaths...of the demons, the innocent, the guilty and the single most important death of...his Kanan. 

_Rain clouds come to play again. Has no one told you she's not breathing?_

'Cho Gonou! You're a murderer! Murderer...MURDERER.' He gave out a loud shriek, trying so hard to eliminte the voice coming from inside his head. But soon it was replaced by a familiar voice...his voice? 

'Cho Gonou, I expected better from you.' The voice spoke, a playful feeling hidden in it. 

"Who are you? Stop it..." Gonou spoke, weakily." 

'You need to give up. It's over, she is gone now. You have to move on, don't follow in my footsteps. Don't mimic my foolish mistakes." The voice spoke in a more demanding tone. 

"What are you talking...who are you? Why are you in my mind? Get out!" Gonou screamed out clutching his head with his hands stained in blood from his previous activities the night before. 

'Tsk..Tsk...Cho Gonou, I thought you would remember me, or should I say you?" The voice asked in a questionable tone. 

"Just tell me, who you are..." He spoke softly, unable to speak clearly without choking on his words. The guilt was getting to him, and the strings of his sanity were slowly being broken by the mysterious voice. 

'I am you. I am Tenpou. Your past form, Cho Gonou..." The voice almost sounded sadistic, trying to get into Gonou's mind, completley. 

_Hello, I'm your mind giving you someone to talk to, hello._ "No, you're not real! I'm just losing it...I know..." Gonou falsley reassured himself. 

'Just give in...I cannot harm you, unless you let me." Tenpou stated. 

"I know what this is...this is a dream, I am sleeping!" Gonou assured himself again. He began chuckling slightly. 

'You don't know how wrong you are. If this was a dream...then why are you hands still stained with the blood you spilled?' Tenpou asked, trying to dig deeper. 

Cho Gonou stared at his hands, they were red, stained with the lives of the innocent and the guitly among the demons of the Dark Crow Clan, and Hyakugan Maoh clan. He began shaking, the event flashed through his mind..._"Goodbye, Gonou."_

_If I smile and don't believe, soon I know i'll wake from this dream._

'Have you given in, yet? I am real...I am here though, to tell you not to follow the past.I did that...and...there is nothing left. You will eventually forget everything you were trying to remember if you continue living like this. Forget Kanan, live your life as each day was your last, and you will make it through.' Tenpou spoke more firmly, making sure he stated his point. 

"What do you mean, like you? You didn't follow the past! You don't know what you're saying! If I don't get her back, I'll die..." Gonou spoke, hesitant with his words.He could no longer sti up straight, he fell forward, his hands supporting his body. 

'Kenren Taisho...was the one I was living for...they took him away from me..." Tenpou spoke the volume of his voice slightly raising. 

"Who are they?" Gonou asked, now curious. 

'The Heavens. They banished him to the lower world...thats how you got here, you know? But, now, we can change it so you wont have to make the same mistake I did.' 

"I don't need your help, I want to remember every bit of life I spent with her, even the bad times...bad times..." Gonou spoke, his voice turned into a soft whisper as he repeated himself. 

_Don't try to fix me, i'm not broken._

'Just understand me for a moment, if you act like this...if you fake your smiles, fake your feelings, fake your life...then you will never be able to live with yourself.' The inner voice now spoke clearly. 

"You're just using me...using me so you can feel better about yourself. So you can feel like you did nothing wrong." Gonou retalieated. 

'No, I can never get my Kenren back, as you can never get your Kanan back. I have now accepted it...though it took many years; and for those years, I was miserable...I was alone...I did everything I could to get out of heaven...and then I did..they banished me from the heavens for eternity...and I turned into this...into you.' Tenpou said. 

"So, we're the same people...just different periods of time...No...you don't understand. You'll never understand. No one does." Gonou clenched his fists and tears started falling onto the hard pavement he sat on. 

_Hello, I'm the lie living for you so you can hide, don't cry._

Hours passed by, and Cho Gonou argued with the voice of his past. It wouldn't leave until he forgot. It was eating him away inside, it was overwhelming him. 

'Why do you choose to torture yourself, Cho Gonou?' Tenpou asked eagerly to make him forget. 

"I didn't choose any of this! I told you I don't want to forget! I want to remember her! I want to..." He collapsed, hitting the ground hard. 

'Stop it! Accept the fact that she is gone. What if you ever find someone that cares for you as much as she did! Will you reject them for the sake of a corpse?' The voice grew more aggressive. 

"Ahh," Gonou closed his eyes tightly, a flash of crimson eyes went through his mind. Then there was silence...he spoke the last words to himself: 

_"Suddenly, I know I'm not sleeping..."_ He paused._"Hello, I'm still here!..."_He stood up, and leaned against the wall, a stray shimmer of the moonlight flooded the space he stood upon. _"All that's left...of yesterday."_. 

(A/N: I'm not a very angsty person, so I think that turned out alright for my first shot. Read and Review. Thank You so much. ). 


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